Chapter 15: Say It Isn't So

“You wouldn’t dare!” I said, aghast.

“I just caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t hit you right now!” he yelled at me.

I was very aware of what I had done. I knew that it was wrong for me to have participated in that kiss, let alone allow Jae Joong to kiss me. It was a situation that I wasn’t in control of, and now… I had no idea how to fix it.

“Listen to me…” I said.

“No!” he snapped.

“It was an accident,” I said.

“Sure… he accidentally wrapped his arms around you. He accidentally landed his lips on yours,” Jeong Hoon said sarcastically. “And if my eyes were working… you accidentally kissed him back.”

“Jeong Hoon…” I said his name, not knowing what else to say.

“Jeong Hoon,” he mimicked me. “Is that all you’ve got to say?” he said, his tone still harsh.

“Mianhae,” I said softly.

“Sorry?” he shouted. “I don’t think you even understand the meaning of the word.”

By now, everyone was staring at us, but I could hardly tell him to pipe down since I was the source of his anger.

“It was… I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“You let it happen, Sierra,” he said.

His face was flushed, and he was breathing heavily from his anger. I didn’t know what else to say or do. All I wanted to do was to hug him, and cry, and apologize until he forgave me, but I realized that this time, it wasn’t as simple as all our past fall outs.

“When is this obsession of yours going to end? Did you do it to quell your fantasies?”

“That’s a low blow, Jeong Hoon,” I said softly.

“Is it? Then tell me… why? Why the hell did you kiss that…”

“Sir,” a man in a suit came to stand beside us. “Madam… Can you please take your argument outside? You’re upsetting the other guests.”

“It’s alright,” he said. “I’m leaving,” and he walked away.

“Are you alright, madam?” the hotel staff asked me.

“Yes,” I said; my eyes fixed on Jeong Hoon’s back as he walked towards the door.

As the door closed behind him, a single tear rolled down my cheek. What had I just done? Jeong Hoon was real and TVXQ was probably going to disappear out of my life forever after tomorrow’s event. Why did allow Jae Joong to do this to me? I must have been mad.

I walked listlessly back to the hotel room, threw myself into bed and cried myself to sleep. I didn’t even bother to change or remove my make up, and this was how Skye found me the next morning.

I was awoken the next morning by the insistent ringing of the doorbell. My head felt like it had cracked in two, and my eyes were glued shut by the makeup and tears. I kicked off the covers and fumbled my way to the door with the support of the wall.

“Damn!” Skye exclaimed the moment I opened the door. “What happened to you?”

“What do you think?” I mumbled and walked back to the bed to hide under the covers.

“Is it true? Did you really kiss that pretty boy in front of Jeong Hoon?” he asked me.

“He told you?” I groaned.

“He called me last night and insisted that I meet him for a drink. I was up till 3am, listening to him bitch about you,” he said.

“It was a stupid mistake,” I wailed into the pillow.

“Stupid is an understatement,” he said as he came to sit on the bed, next to my hunched figure.

“What else can I say?” I said as I turned over to lie on my back, the covers still pulled over my head.

“You could apologize to Jeong Hoon, for start,” he said.

“You think that all it’s going to take is an apology?” I asked as I flipped open the covers.

My eyes had finally unglued themselves because my tears had started again and diluted the crust that had formed from the night before.

“Of course it’s not that simple, but you need to do something,” he said.

“He wanted to hit me,” I said, sitting up.

“I would hit anyone who betrayed me,” he said.

“Even a woman?”

“If I were that upset…” he contemplated for a moment. “Jeong Hoon wouldn’t hit you. He just said it because he was angry.”

“I know,” I sighed.

“Hey,” Skye suddenly said. “Don’t you need to get to the concert site?”

“Shit!” I cursed and jumped off the bed.

“I’ll wait for you in the lobby,” he called out and left the room while I was digging through my bag for something to wear.

Skye was supposed to accompany me while I covered the concert tonight. With this whole fiasco hanging on my mind, I’m beginning to doubt if I had the ability to focus on the task I had for the day.

“You clean up nice,” Skye attempted to joke when I met him in the lobby. “Don’t you need to eat?”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I’ll grab a bite later.”

“Okay,” he said, and we started walking to Siloso beach, there the concert would be held tonight.

The concert area was abuzz with activity when we arrived. The stage and lights were already up and they were doing some testing while some of the performers were rehearsing on it.

“So where’s the pretty boy?” Skye asked as he looked around us.

“I don’t think they’re here yet,” I said.

I’d spoken too soon…

“Sierra!” Yun Ho called out and waved as he walked towards me and Skye.

“This isn’t the one, is it?” Skye asked.

“No… shut up about it already,” I hissed at him.

“Fine… I’m gonna go search for Bada,” he said. “Have fun…”

“Was that your colleague?” Yun Ho asked as he approached me.

“Ne,” I replied.

“You look pale,” he said. “Have you eaten?”

I shook my head.

“Come with me,” he said, and I followed obediently.

There was something about Yun Ho’s presence that made you just want to follow his orders. You’ll feel that you’re in good hands when you’re with him. I supposed this is why he was the leader of TVXQ.

“Wait here,” he said, as we neared the area where most of the performers were sitting around, waiting for their turn to perform.

He grabbed a sandwich and a pack of soya bean drink from the buffet table while I waited in the shadows of a tree, then walked back towards me. He took me by my elbow and led me to a bench nearby, then sat me down. I watched as he unwrapped the sandwich, rolled the film up into a ball and put it into his pocket before he handed the sandwich to me.

“Mokja…” he said.

I took the sandwich from him, and took a bite. I hadn’t realized that I was actually hungry until now, and quickly finished the rest of the sandwich.

“You were hungry,” he laughed softly as he handed me the drink.

“I was just feeling a little under the weather,” I said as I inserted the straw into the packet.

“Jae Joong told me what happened,” he said.

“Did he have to tell you about it?” I said as I sipped the drink.

“He was worried that he might have caused some trouble,” Yun Ho said.

“My boyfriend’s not gonna take the story to the press, if that’s what he’s worried about,” I said. “He’s not such a person… but he might still wanna beat Jae Joong up.”

“What happened… exactly?” Yun Ho asked.

“I think you should ask Jae Joong. I’ll admit that I reciprocated his actions, but he initiated it.”

“He initiated it… the kiss,” he said.

“Ne,” I said.

“That boy…”

“I’m beginning to see why you call him that,” I said.

“The tropical heat has gotten to his brains,” he said.

“It’s easy for him…” I said.

“Huh?”

“You guys are gonna fly back tomorrow, and it’ll be the end of the headache. I’ll need to find my boyfriend, face him, and try to get him to forgive me.”

“Do you want to be forgiven?” he asked me.

“What do you mean?”

“There must be a reason why you let it happen,” he said.

“I let it happen?” I said incredulously.

“Didn’t you?” he asked as he looked at me.

I met his eyes, and I saw the answer in them. He was right. I let it happen. Perhaps, subconsciously, I wanted it to happen. But I didn’t want to believe it. This isn’t me. I would never knowingly hurt Jeong Hoon. What I thought was just a harmless opportunity to live part of my fantasy had backfired. Is this what I wanted? Why did I do it?

“Hyung,” Jun Su called out from behind us. “We’re on.”

“Coming,” he answered. “I’ll talk to you in a bit. You should eat more if you’re hungry. You need your strength.”

“Thank you for your concern,” I said as I took another sip of my drink.

“No problem. See you in a bit,” he said, and he got up and left.

I leant back on the bench and stared straight ahead for a few minutes. When I’d finally collected my thoughts, I stood up, and decided that I had to get to work. I had no time to dwell on the mess I’d created today. As I stood up, I saw a familiar figure walking along the beach.

“Jeong Hoon,” his name escaped my lips, and I started running towards him.