Wednesday 30 July 2008

Chapter 16: Running After You

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, and just as I was about to reach him, he noticed my presence. He picked up his speed, though not running, and I had to run faster to catch up with him.

“Jeong Hoon-ah…” I called out to him as I gasped for air. “Jeong Hoon-ah…”

As soon as I was near enough, I reached out to grab his shoulder, trying to still him.

“Let go,” he said.

He was still upset since his tone was harsh.

“Can’t we talk?” I asked him.

“I have nothing to say to you,” he said.

“Please…” I said, and grabbed onto his arm.

He stopped walking and stood there motionless, not turning to look at me.

“Mianhae…” I said.

“You realize how pointless your apology is?” he said.

“I know you’re not ready to forgive me now, but I need to say it,” I said.

“Right… all for your peace of mind, eh?” he said.

“Look at me,” I said, and he just stood there, as if he didn’t hear me. “Look at me,” I repeated, and moved to stand in front of him.

There were tears in his eyes. None had fallen, but his eyes were shining with tears threatening to fall. He’d sounded so cruel and emotionless, but in actual fact, he was hurting.

“Mianhae,” I said, and hugged him, my own tears starting to fall.

I held him tight, just in case he tried to push me off, but to my surprise, he gave in, and put his arms around me.

“I’m sorry,” I said in English, as I pulled away.

He didn’t reply, but lifted his hand to stroke my cheek.

“Please… say something…” I pleaded.

“I need to go,” he said; his voice hoarse.

“You’re leaving the island?”

“Skye will take you home,” he said as he gently pushed me away. “I need to be alone.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?” I asked in desperation.

My greatest fear now was that he would just disappear from my life.

“I’ll call you when I’m ready,” he said.

I bit my lip, not knowing what reply would be appropriate at this point.

“Just give me some time,” he said, and I nodded mutely.

I turned around, not wanting to watch him leave again. As his footsteps in the sand grew softer, I started walking myself, in the opposite direction.

“Where have you been?” Skye asked as soon as I reappeared on the site.

“I saw Jeong Hoon,” I said.

“Where?” he asked, looking around as if Jeong Hoon were nearby.

“He left. He asked you to take me home tonight.”

“Aishii…”

“Do you think he’ll just keep avoiding me after today?” I asked Skye.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I’ll talk to him once we get back. For now, you need to focus,” he said as he grabbed my shoulders and shook me lightly. “Look alive!” he said dramatically, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Araso…” I said.

We focused on covering the event for the rest of the day. We interviewed artistes, the crew and did several video interviews that were going to be uploaded onto our magazine’s website.

“Thank you for your time,” I said to Wang Lee Hom as we wrapped up the last video interview.

“No problem,” he smiled. “I need to prepare for my performance now,” he said as he got up from the bench where we’d been sitting for the past 15 minutes for the interview.

“Break a leg,” I said, and he smiled in acknowledgement.

“Phew…” Skye breathed as he sat down next to me.

He’d been playing the role of camera man for the whole afternoon while I interviewed the celebrities. We may be editors of our sections, but in actual fact, we were also journalists since our company wasn’t that big. They would usually send us editors to the international events while the juniors got to cover the local events.

“I need to pee,” Skye said, and he left me there on the bench alone.

I sat there alone for awhile, and inevitably started thinking about last night. I dreamt about it last night… that kiss with Jae Joong. It made me feel guiltier when I woke up this morning. Maybe Jeong Hoon was right; I had an obsession to quell.

“Neo honjaseo?” Jae Joong said, and came to sit beside me.

Speak of the devil…

“My colleague went to the toilet,” I said, trying to sound indifferent.

“Hwanaseo?” he asked me.

“Why are you speaking plainly to me now?” I asked him.

“After yesterday night…”

“You don’t feel the need to be polite anymore…” I finished for him.

“I think you’ve misunderstood me,” he said.

“What is there to misunderstand? You did what you did,” I said. “Unless you want to explain why you did it?”

“I don’t think I can,” he laughed softly.

“Why? It was all some kind of entertainment for you, wasn’t it?” I said. “Is that why you have no explanation?”

“Don’t make it sound as if you meant nothing to me,” he said. “I don’t kiss girls for fun.”

“You hardly know me,” I said.

“You hardly know me too, and you returned my kiss,” he said.

“It’s different,” I said.

“How? Enlighten me.”

“I seem to remember that I was the one who asked first. Why did you do it?”

“I was attracted to you, good enough?”

“Fine… I was infatuated with you,” I replied. “Happy now?”

“A little,” he smiled.

I’d almost forgotten that he had habit of making lame jokes, sometimes at the most inopportune times.

“Don’t you need to rehearse?” I asked him.

“It’s our break time now,” he said.

“Does Yun Ho know you’re here?”

“He doesn’t own me. I don’t need to tell him everything.”

“You told him about us,” I pointed out.

“That was cos I needed advice,” he said.

“I’m sure his advice didn’t include you coming to speak to me now. If anything, he would prefer it if you and I didn’t speak at all.”

“I’ll speak to whoever I want,” he said.

“You’re wasting your time here, Jae Joong-shi,” I said. “You’ll fly off tomorrow, and we will never meet again.”

“Not while you’re in this business. We’ll definitely meet again,” he said.

“Are you giving me a preview now? Is TVXQ coming back to Singapore again?”

“We will… soon,” he said.

“Stop… stop…” I said, as I held my hands up. “Why are we still having this conversation? Jae Joong-shi… I think you should get back to your band. Unless you don’t mind me putting everything you say on print, you’d better stop talking to me.”

“Can you stop with the ‘Jae Joong-shi’?” he said.

“You don’t need to hear it if you’re not talking to me,” I said.

“I was just checking to see if you’re alright,” he said.

“And if I’m not? Are you gonna take me with you, back to Korea?” I said. “That would be a fan fiction come true…”

“You don’t need to be sarcastic,” he said. “It’s unbecoming.”

“Weren’t you attracted to me? Doesn’t that mean that whatever I do, you’d still be attracted?”

I glared at him as I spoke, and not once did he break our eye contact. His face broke into a smile when I was done.

“It’s really funny…” he said.

“What is?” I said, starting to get annoyed.

Did he think that I was some kind of joke?

“I actually still find you attractive, despite the sarcasm,” he laughed.

I rolled my eyes at him. I’m beginning to wonder what I saw in him when I watched all those videos online. I stood up, intending to walk away, but he pulled me back down.

“I’m sorry…” he said. “Chongmal mianhae,” he said. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

“You never asked. You didn’t bother to check. You just assumed that I was single and saving myself for you.”

“I apologize for not asking. I apologize for causing the misunderstanding between you and your boyfriend. Chinshimhaeyo…”

He sounded sincere this time, and I felt my anger dissipate a little.

“What if my boyfriend dumps me for good?” I asked. “Would you take responsibility for me then?”

His eyes widened for a moment, then he realized that I was attempting to make a joke.

“Just call me,” he smiled. “I’ll be sure to take responsibility.”

I shoved him gently on the shoulder, and he took my hand and held it.

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